It is not about how you feel the loneliness,
It is about how loneliness can't even look at the mirror,
Each time you feel yourself all alone,
Taking a ship into the dark,
Sailing into the every time new waves,
Knowing the destiny awaits you at the same corner,
But it is not about the destiny awaiting you,
It is about what the destiny awaits from you,
Each time you feel yourself empty,
Taking a look into the dark,
Sailing to the thoughts of every time new hopes,
Knowing it will be different this time,
But it is not about this time being different,
It is about what you will do to make it different this time..
Friday, August 17
It is not about how you feel the loneliness,
Thursday, December 28
"His fingers are touching the keys so softly, that the tone does not want to sound. It doesn't break my heart, it doesn't let a tear drop fall down. It is this distance between taking me away from what I am, making me someone I would want to be, someone I can't handle to be..". The silence was filling in the room with the pause of the dance of the fingers on the keys. "This is not my dance, it has never been.." A small bouquet of light fell in through the almost covered window. Slowly, softly sat down on top of his shoulder. "This is not my dance.."
"A spring waltz shall be our melody. The guests should feel as if they enter a fairy tale when they enter this room. They mustn't even blink for every moment being worth to see.." Her voice shattered in last words. Her voice disappeared into her watery eyes. "Every moment.." she said, "..every moment".. He was not listening any more. The words became meaningless already. The sound became too much to hear. He wanted to go away. He wanted to go. He wanted..
It is always the naughty child of the day to blame for the bad, ugly and sad. Not because everything and everyone is looking the same, not because every breath is colder and every word is heavier. When the shadows go to sleep, when the colors feel tired.. When the naughty child of the day comes out to play all by himself. It doesn't ask those everything and everyone to join him. He doesn't say a word.. Like a shy bird, suspiciously looking to food in the hand of a stranger.. Like a shy bird, doesn't want to fly..
"How many of yourselves will you talk to, to find yourself your self that you would like to stay alone with?". He made a face as if the question was too long to listen. "How many of yourselves will you want to experience before you get tired?". Like a small school child, he looked at his hands, his fingers. For a moment, he was about to find himself counting them. He didn't. "Do you realize that you are hurting yourself more than you are hurting your other selves?". He looked outside from the window. "What a crowded street!" he thought, "yet, there is no sound in the room except my own. The windows must be made from a good material.". He made a half turn to show his face towards where she was talking from. She was looking worried, but not scared, just worried. "When I saw her first, it was her eyes.." he remembered, "..it was still her eyes..". "This time, I talk to you, not to your other selves, just to you and you alone!". "So stubborn.." he thought. "Alone.. Interesting word..", he exhaled, longer than usual this time. "I need to speak silently, more silently, until I stop hearing myself. Maybe then, I can understand what I am talking about..", he exhaled again, shorter than usual this time..
"I want to dance on your lips with my lips. I want to write a poem with my fingers on your breasts. I want to sing a sonata with my breath on your thighs. Would you let me be your artist, my dear lady?". She smiled. Looking down with her eyes for a moment, then back towards his face. She wanted to find one small piece of dishonesty, a small glimpse of a lie.. There was none.. "Shall we dance?" She smiled.. "It is not my love, I am offering to you, my dear lady. I am offering you my passion, my obsession.." She looked at his inviting hand. "So many deep lines in his palms. So many old scars on his fingers.." she thought. "Today, I want to be all yours, my dear lady. You have to forgive my soul. He wants to fall in love with you first..". She smiled..
When you can't even cry for the harms people have done to you; and when your goodness started feeling like a stubborn goddess growing in yourself, which song will be rescuing you from your paralyzed existence? A step forward, a step back. Trying to unleash yourself from the bondage you left yourself in.. Is it even worth fighting? Is it even worth changing, when those around you are so far away from the changes you propose to them? What makes you believe that the goodness eventually will take over the change towards the good? The questions you don't know the answers from.. The like poems looking like never finishing, never going nowhere.. But they all do finish at some day. All poems will change some day.. And when the poet looks to the child, as if he would be waiting to take over his youth leaving him the old age, "Is it the time that flies by, or is it just the older getting stories of a old looking young heart?" he says.. She looks at the child with dark olive eyes as if the poet would be giving him the best toy with his next sentence. She smiles..
Wednesday, April 5
Children are born,
Lonely children of the earth,
Following a light full of pain..
Oh, how easy it would be,
To walk without going anywhere,...
Step away and rest a little..
Children become grown,
Up and down,
Up and down,
Fearing of the light in pain,
As strong as not to cry,
But no more, not any more..
In the witness of a sad song,
"People hearing without listening",
Children of yesterday,
Lonely children of the earth..
Saturday, September 10
Saturday, July 9
It is like the everyday of life,
Every single walk to be taken,
The eye opening curiosity,
The ticklish feeling of willingness,
The anxiety of the next step,...
The warm excitement of the unknown,
Along the chilly fear of the "what if"..
As simple and small
As the baby cat on the water lily pad,
As big as the world around;
It is like the every day of life,
Every single walk to be taken..
Friday, May 20
Friday, March 18
And the time comes when you drive yourself away from everything and everyone along the friendship of your dashboard lights.. Norah Jones tries to convince you with her soft voice touching your ears intimately..
You don't give up driving away; yet, it is not the only thing you don't give up on; everything and everyone that you carry within your thoughts too; within you, intimately..
Wednesday, December 23
"I like naked women! I'm a bloke! I'm supposed to like them; we're born like that! We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one! Halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view! Look, it is the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a boy is, and if you don't like it, darling, join a film collective. Look, I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of that table there, but that does not stop me from wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die, because that's what being a bloke is! When man invented fire, he didn't say, "Hey, let's cook!" He said, "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton invented the printing press, we were using it to make pictures of - hey! - naked bottoms! We've turned the internet into an enormous international database of... naked bottoms! So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms."
Friday, December 18
"Yorgun akşamüstü sevişmelerinin ardından, içinde kopan fırtınalara ışık tutacak tek bir deniz feneri bile yoksa o özenle yarattığın bahçelerinde; geçen zaman yazık eder sana, sen sahte gülücüklerle avutsan da yaşamını.. Bir zaman kurdu gibi kemirir dakikalarını bildik anılardan uzak tutmaya çabaladığın yaşam. Olup bitenlerin şahitliğinde sana kalan, aslında kavgalarından uzak yapmışlıklarında sahneye koyduğun sensindir. “Bencillik” tutkusuyla harcadığın iyimser dakikaların ve sen.. Kendine itiraf etsen, yaşayacağın şoka dayanamayacağını bildiğinden, hep uzak durduğun gerçeklerin.. Seni yalnızlığına, sen istesen de bırakmayacak umutların, karmaşan, karmaşıklığın; sevgi dolu bağlılıklara alışmışlığın ve sen... Nerede kullanıldığını bilmediğin sözlerle kendini anlatışın ve ardından, hiçbir şey olmamışcasına kendinden vazgeçişin ve sen.. Tüm bunları yazan adama, bunlar senden değilmişcesine sitemlerin ve aslında sitemlerinden ördüğün kağıttan duvarların ardındaki ışıktan beliren çaresiz gölgen ve sen.. dersem, çekip gitmeye can atarsın bu sayfalardan, bilirim.. Saklanıyorsun.. Uzun ve yorgun, sıkıcı ve bıkkın, alışılmış ve nefretinle dolu yollardan ve sen bu yollardayken, daha yüzlerce sıfatı aklında hapsettiğin yollardan eve varışların bir türlü mutlu etmez seni. Mutluluğunu bağlamadığın onca sakin limanın ardından; hele bir de içinde karanlık ve soğuk fırtınalar esiyorken bunca, gidip de yaşamının en korkak yerini yollara bağlamayışın da dokunmaz sana zaten. Bir de üstüne üstlük, o katlanılması sana gittikçe imkansızlaşan yolların son bulduğu yerde, evinde; kendince dünyalarını her bir köşesine serpiştirdiğin güneş kokulu, bir o kadar da güneşten uzak odanda seni bekleyen o hep bildik kavgaların ve gürültü, yapmak isteyişlerin ve yapamayışların ve vesairelerin ardında sıkışıp kalan yine sen.. yine sen.. Senden söz ediyorum. Senin de aslında çok iyi bildiğin senden. Senin de her yaptığınla yeni baştan tanımaya çalıştığın ve her başarısızlık düşüncende vazgeçtiğin senden.. Seni anlatıyorum. Kendi için yapmayacağı ve yapacak olsa da yapmadığı her şeyi, insanoğlu çocukları adına, onlar için yapan, bunun için çabalayan, bir bundan vazgeçemeyen seni anlatıyorum sana. Bir o kadar bana inanmasan da, bir o kadar kendine inanmasan da.. Seni özlüyorum. Bir zamanlar günlerin ışıltıdan uzak sabahlarında, taze ve dinamik, yıpratılmamış ve tertemiz bir bebek gibi oluşunla seni özletiyorsun bana, kendine ve seni sevdiğine inanmasan da, sevgiyi sana hissettirmek için seninle savaşmak zorunda kalan onca insana.. Herkes kendince haklı, her şey olup bitmişliğinin verdiği güvenle doğru bu günlerde. Öylesine tanıdık geliyor ki bu manzara yaşadığın günleri herkesten iyi bilen sana. Her yaşadığın, yaşadıkça gördüğün, gördükçe yaşamaktan sıkıldığın, yaşadıkça görmekten bıktığın manzaradır bu aslında. Bir yerlerde bitmesi gerekir; bir yerlerde sonu gelir dediğin günler, aslında sen onlara böyle seyirci kaldıkça, sen seyirciliğin gibi kalacaklar yaşamının bir köşesinde.. Vazgeçmelisin inadından, feda etmelisin yalancı mutluluklarından. Tüm bu sözlerin ardında saklanan seni artık önüne koyup, onu yaşatmayı öğretmelisin kendine.. çok geç olmadan.."
Thursday, December 17
"When you are ready I will surrender take me and do as you wish. Have what you want your way's always the best way. I have succumbed to this passive sensation peacefully falling away. I am a zombie your wish will command me, laugh as I fall to my knees. Can I control this empty delusion lost in the fire below? And you come running your eyes will be open. And when you come back I'll be as you want me, only so eager to please. My little song will keep you beside me thinking your name as I sing Now you can't help it if you have been tempted by fruit hanging ripe on the tree. And I feel useless don't care what the truth is you will be here come the day. Truth do you hear me? Don't try to come near me. So tired, I sleep through the light. If you desire to lay here beside me come to my sweet melody."
Tuesday, December 15
Wednesday, December 9
Sunday, December 6
Friday, December 4
Friday evening lines: Being together with someone, although anticipated otherwise, is not about "love" at all. It is just about the melon being too big and once you cut it, you better eat it together with someone, so that it does not get bad in the fridge.. Or what about the cold bed right before you go to sleep? Of course it is easier to go in with someone so that the blanket will be warm quicker. Not to mention these long, endless movies in the TV. It is obvious that you need someone to tell you what happened when you went to pee.. How about the Christmas tree? Every time you have to go up and down to pick up this shiny ball from the box. A second hand there and it barely takes time to make it ready.. The walk in the park. Come on! They will call the hospital if they see you talking to yourself. It is definitely better to share the road with someone, then you will not even notice anymore how time passes.. And when the heavy rain starts. Who are you going to show your a little fearful excitement to?.. Even scientists could prove that a breakfast with another person will wake you up quicker and voila! You are ready for the day before you go out!.. And all those friends with wrong clothing choices, all the complaints of the boss, the traffic on the way home, the neighbor's naughty children, the policeman writing you a ticket for parking just for two minutes, you have to tell them all to someone for no reason, right?.. So, being together with someone is not about "love" at all.. It is just about the melon being too big for one..
Thursday, November 26
Tuesday, November 24
Wednesday, November 18
Sunday, November 15
Wednesday, November 11
Tuesday, November 10
Sunday, November 8
Saturday, November 7
Thursday, November 5
Wednesday, November 4
Sunday, November 1
Sunday, October 25
Sunday, October 18
Tuesday, October 13
Monday, October 12
Some have smiled, although they were not happy,
Some have cried, although they were not sad..
Some have made hearts, although they didn't have any,
Some have lied, although they weren't bad..
They told me to do, because I could,
They wanted me to understand, because I would..
Some said a word,
Some spared a sentence,
Some looked away,
Some stared silently..
Some spoke too much,
Some told too less,
Some didn't open at all,
They have been,
They will be..
Monday, October 5
Friday, October 2
Wednesday, September 30
Tuesday, September 29
Friday, September 25
Sunday, September 20
Friday, September 18
Thursday, September 17
Monday, September 14
Sunday, September 13
Saturday, September 12
Friday, September 11
Things that you really want from the heart does not happen..
The feelings that you really feel right does not correspond..
The moment that you think you had may not be that moment..
The dream takes over the reality and it does not taste so sweet..
You feel like you have done the right move,
It does not result at the time you expected it..
Even if you believe that it's never too late,
It makes you feel like, you lost it and it is gone..
It really goes away,
It comes back when you never expect it..
The feeling of loss makes it; yet sometimes,
The unexpected makes the life interesting..
Thursday, September 10
Sunday, September 6
Monday, August 31
Yazdığımı yeniden yazamam, (I can't write again what I wrote)
Çaldığımı baştan çalamam, (I can't play again what I played)
Bir daha geri dönemem.. (I can't go back again..)
Akıyorsa göz yaşım kurumasın, (If it is my tears dripping, let them not dry)
Coşup seven gönlümse durmasın, (If it is my heart that is bubbling, let is not stop)
Dost bildik anılarım çağırmasın, (Let my friendly memories not call me back)
Bir daha geri dönemem.. (I can't go back again..)
Hiçbir kere hayat bayram olmadı ya da (The life has never been a festival or)
Her nefes alışımız bayramdı. (Every breath that we took was a festival)
Bir umuttur yaşatan insanı. (It is the hope that make the one live)
Aldım elime sazımı.. (I took my "guitar" to my hand..)
Yine aşınca çayın suyu boyunu, (Once the river goes over your height again)
Belki yeniden karşıma çıkacaksın. (Maybe you will come across me)
Göz göze durup bakınca göreceğiz, (When we stare to each other we will see)
Neyiz ve nerelerdeyiz.. (What we are and wherever we have been..)
Bilemiyoruz şimdi.. (We don't know now..)
Friday, August 28
The real value lies in courage; that you can stand up for what you believe, even if you know that you may never sit down to your position again.. The real value lies in honesty; that you can tell the truth, even if you know that you will not get what you want when you tell.. The real value lies in fairness; that you give everyone what they really deserve, even if you have to make yourself unliked.. The real value lies in openness; that you don't hesitate to speak out your mind, even if you know that you may get hurt.. The real value lies in decency; that you be someone proper, respected and appriciated, even if you know the people around you don't know to respect and appriciate.. The real value lies in every person; when they take off their clothes, masks, fears, egos, lies, plans and scenarios, after they put their heads to the pillow, right before they fall asleep.. The real value lies in being as "naked" as right before sleep, when you are with others and totally awake..